Crispy Potatoes

Is it sad that even though I haven’t set foot in a McDonald’s since I was a teenager, the first thing I thought when I bit into this potato was: Oh my God. I just made McDonald’s fries? But then, on the second potato, I changed my mind: No, better than McDonald’s. Because there was this mellow, round flavor from the olive oil. With my third potato, things got weird. I imagined marching into a McDonald’s and saying: “You call that a potato? (I would motion towards their potatoes at this point, obviously.) No. This is a potato.” Then, I would dig into my pocket and produce one of my potatoes. They would try it, agree with me, then lift me up on their shoulders and parade me through the city!

But before I get carried away, I need to tell you how I arrived at these remarkably crispy potatoes, as I believe I learned a valuable life lesson from them, and if there’s anything one knows about valuable life lessons, it’s that they need to be shared.

It began with a headache—I get migraines. And though I have prescription drugs for them, sometimes I don’t want to take the medicine because it can make me feel like a space cadet / almost as non-functioning as I am with the migraine. So, last week when I got one, I tried to sleep on it. I went to bed early, only to wake up in the middle of the night with the pain much worse than it was when I went to sleep. I took a pill, felt sorry for myself, and then woke up 4 hours later all woozy.

That afternoon, I was feeling better and mentioned the headache to my dear friend, who of course, I’ve mentioned these headaches to in the past, and she told me how she believes there’s a link between blocking fun/pleasure and head pressure and basically prescribed me two hours to myself. To be exact, her actual emailed words were: “Take 2 hours TOTALLY FOR YOURSELF. Do not cook food for Matt. Do not get writing done. Go and play with your inner girl child.” (Right now, Matt’s like: Wait a second. How did I get wrapped up into this?)

I must say that I loved the idea. Who wouldn’t? Two hours to yourself. Of course, I couldn’t start right that moment. I decided I would finish up the writing I was working on and then take my two hours. And not cook dinner for Matt? I liked where her head was at, but let’s get real. I had already bought the ingredients for that night's dinner. Plus, Matt was at work and it wouldn’t be very nice to skip out on him, especially since on days I work and he doesn't, he always cooks a great dinner for me. So, once I worked through my tasks, I finally shut my laptop, looked around the apartment and repeated the words in my head: Take two hours to myself. 

But what to do? My pal had suggested things like going to a park or a café, but those didn’t resonate with me. And everything I came up with seemed either too indulgent (going to the movies alone) or too expensive (going shopping). So, I just stood there, re-asking myself: What should I do? What would be fun? It must have been at least five minutes until I finally decided to grab my screen-printing stuff and screen-print the tote bags I had recently dyed. It sounded fun and was something I needed to do anyway (holiday gifts!). But when I finished cleaning everything up, I went back on the Internet. Or, in other words: a two-hours-to-myself fail.

Fast forward to a few days later: I was dragging my feet on a project, distracted and generally frown-y, when it dawned on me that I should try my hand at taking two hours for myself again, that maybe it would help. Our apartment was freezing and my first thought was to take a hot shower, but then, an angel/devil on my shoulder whispered: No! Take a bath, Dingus! Coincidentally, I had just discovered Pandora (I thought you had to pay for it, so I had never previously checked it out.) and I put it on the Mazzy Star channel. (Just lost my male readers!) But listen: what ensued was one of the nicest least expensive things I have ever done for myself. And when I returned to the world with all of its electronics and websites and earthly demands, I felt so completely ready to dismiss them. In fact, I got in bed and opened a book. In the middle of the afternoon! And I thought to myself, a very specific thought: the only thing missing from this scenario is crispy potatoes.

It’s funny the things we do when our significant other isn’t around. I like to light incense, write letters, eat ice cream from the carton while standing at the kitchen countertop, and watch romantic period movies. Matt likes to order chicken wings, search the Internet for used camera equipment, and watch B-horror movies and/or strange documentaries. Of course we can do these things while the other one is around, but we usually don’t. For one, I don’t like the way those chicken wings look and Matt thinks the incense “smells like burning.”

I mention this because as I lay in bed post-bath, I was reminded of a few things. 1.) Matt had a late meeting after work so I was on my own for dinner that night. 2.) I actually already had potatoes in the house. And 3.) I rarely cook myself a thoughtful, delicious meal when it’s just me showing up for dinner.

I think this should change. Starting with this meal of crispy potatoes and salad. And please don’t think I phoned in the salad. It’s very much inspired—specifically, by a salad I’ve eaten on a few separate occasions at David Lentz’s The Hungry Cat and had been meaning to recreate. So, from memory—as searching for the recipe online would’ve been a buzzkill—I tossed together romaine lettuce, sliced hard-boiled eggs, avocado, and lots of shaved Pecorino, with an olive oil, lemon juice and white wine vinegar dressing. It came together quickly, and while it didn’t taste exactly the same as The Hungry Cat’s, it was pretty close. Next time, I’ll try a softer lettuce. Alas, romaine is what I had in the fridge. The potatoes, on the other hand, came together less quickly. I was making less than half of what the recipe called for, and just peeling all of those tiny potatoes took 30 minutes. And then you have to boil them, wait for them to cool, and scrape each one with a fork before roasting for an hour. (So, please pardon the photos as they were taken in low light.) But if less-than-stellar photography and an hour of prep time in the kitchen leads you to potatoes this delicious and crispy, so be it!

I mean, remember the McDonald’s comparisons above? Each one had a shell layer of crispy potato while the inside remained all soft and fluffy. A must try for potato lovers. (Mom, I’m talking to you!)

So, where’s that valuable life lesson I was talking about earlier? I think it’s this: take time for yourself and then, and this is key, be nice to yourself. Draw yourself a bath, light a candle or two, and take the time to crisp up some potatoes. You won’t regret it... Have you ever heard anyone say, “Man, I shouldn’t have taken that bath,” or, “Wish I hadn’t made those little crispy orbs of potato.”? But then, what do I know? I’m 30 years old and just took my first bath in over four years.

Forked Oven-Roasted Potatoes via Bon Appetit
6 pounds small Yukon Gold potatoes (1 1/2"–2"-diameter), peeled
1 tablespoon kosher salt plus more
1/2 cup olive oil

Preheat oven to 425°. Working in 2 batches, cook potatoes in a large pot of boiling salted water for 3 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer potatoes to a rimmed baking sheet. When cool enough to handle, firmly scrape the tines of a fork up and down potatoes, creating a rough, grooved surface.
Pour oil onto another rimmed baking sheet; bake (to heat oil) for 5 minutes. Add potatoes; turn to coat. Season with 1 tablespoon salt. Roast, turning 3 times during cooking and occasionally basting with oil, until browned and tender, 60–70 minutes.